A month ago, if you asked me picture a sensual woman, I might dream up a dramatized Hollywood sexpot batting her fluffy eyelashes at the camera. Now, I might picture myself.
This past Friday the thirteenth, I cast a spell I usually call a blessing bowl. Rather than capture the energy in a bag or seal it off into a jar, I use bowls as a way to set an open intention, specifically something requiring continual learning or growth on my part. On this occasion, I cast a venusian blessing bowl to call in blessings in the areas Venus rules and to help me adjust any thought patterns or behaviors blocking the full bloom of pleasure, beauty, and abundance in my life. Flames danced atop red, pink, and orange candles, and as I stared into them I envisioned a more sensual version of myself, one that could enjoy the life she had and expect juicier happenings to be on the horizon.
My lens of sensuality is parameterized by this: spiritual celibacy is a prominent part of my path at this time. I have noticed more feminine spirits in the collective choosing to abstain as a commitment to themselves and to their ultimate fulfillment and pleasure, rather than settling for a lower caliber physical intimacy that does not fully excite or satisfy. For me, tapping into sensual energy is about the full spectrum of physical pleasure and the confidence that accompanies using your body and voice at your own discretion.
About a month has now passed since I cast this spell, and I have been working intensively with the spirit of sensuality and cultivating deliciousness in my reality. Here is what that experience has looked like for me:
First, I have become vastly more aware of my body and all of the experiences it allows me to tap into. Every time you get that delicious wave of pleasure in the form of giddiness or a heat in your stomach, your body plays an integral role in creating that moment for you.
An awareness of your body can enlighten you to the pleasure that you can experience in it, as well as an equally important awareness of how your body reacts to people or situations that cause you displeasure. As you notice how your body reacts to what it enjoys, you will simultaneously acknowledge reactions to stressors or tension, such as unconsciously holding fists or a clenched jaw.
Repairing my relationship with food has been so integral in my sensual journey, especially intuitive eating. Paying attention to what my body wants and needs, and the time frames at which those needs occur. Practicing bodily mindfulness made me realize that the state of my mind reflected the state of my body, and when my basic needs were not satiated I was prone to irritability or despair.
Overeating specific foods created a similar experience of displeasure, and at a point I felt called to work with waist beads. I wear self love beads from a local black-owned metaphysical shop, and my experience with them has been entirely positive. They help me to be aware of how I react to specific foods or to know when I have had enough, and there is a beauty in having constant adornment.
Second, I am prioritizing experiences that create pleasure, both to enjoy them fully in the moment and to beckon in other experiences of similar variety. I became conscious of what I was creating space for, and recalibrated accordingly. Some experiences are not inherently pleasant, but others just need a few adjustments to be enjoyable.
Eventually, I’d like to live a fully soft and sensuous lifestyle, but while I’m at my day job it’s necessary to strike a balance. For me, this looks like articulating a clearer work-life separation. I do not work while I’m not at work, nor do I spend my breaks aimlessly scrolling. In my ideal lifestyle, I wouldn’t dedicate hours to my electronics in order to relax, so now I spend my breaks reading a novel or journalling outside, or just melting into the warmth of the sunlight.
Sensuality is also teaching me to use my voice assuredly. The digital generation, myself included, are prone to a bit of FOMO. This can be mitigated by knowing what you actually want to do through spending time with your body and listening to it. If I get anxiety about going out on a certain night, sometimes it’s an indicator that what I actually need is time to unwind and heal. When we are able to give a yes or no without doubt about our answers, we can enjoy the activity at hand more fully.
This also includes setting a standard for what you will tolerate in correlation to your pleasure, both personally and interpersonally. For those invoking physical sensuality with a second party, this can look like exclusively accepting partners that prioritize your pleasure and minding the level of comfort or discomfort in your body when in a person’s company. You deserve a good time and should expect one in most circumstances.
And third, I’m taking it easy. In my childhood I was often made to believe that life was centered around continuous toil and strife, and as a result I became meticulous and overachieving. Because both of these traits served me well in my work and academic life, there was no concern for how fulfilled I actually was beneath the mirage of success. And as prioritizing my pleasure has revealed, I was apparently slightly miserable. Everything orbited around the next goal to be completed or check mark on my to do list. As reluctant as I was to admit it initially, cramming every moment to the brim with productivity is not a sustainable way to live. It leads to burnout and a kind of stress that is difficult to manage unless you have a strong support system encouraging you to frequently take breaks (for which you may feel guilty upon taking and end up utilizing to prepare you for your next task).
As it turns out, living sensuously is easy and natural once the obstacles that stifle it are removed. All of the things you might traditionally associate with sensuality, however impractical or unserious, are often associated with it for a reason. I embrace the frivolousness of it! I sleep long hours in my satin sheets, read romance novels with only a mild mind to the plot. I wear carnelian earrings, dance in the mirror with a red wine in hand, laugh as loud or as hard as I want, and I enjoy the experience of being myself in my body in the world that exists now. I anoint my body with magickal oils, brush perfume in my hair, do as I please and I am pleased often.
We’ll talk more updates soon. Enjoy your strawberry supermoon vvitches!